Can A Mate Veto Your Outfit?

It's Friday night and you've just finished up a long week of work. Your significant other calls you and wants to go out for a night of dining and dancing. You look in the closet and reach towards the back for that special outfit your mate has never seen. You put it on and you feel sexier than Marilyn Monroe at a JFK function.



Your mate arrives at your house and you open the door all the way so that they can take in a good view of your outfit. Your mate smiles in appreciation but then quickly says, "you're not wearing that."

 (record scratch) 

Is it wrong for your mate to say that you're "dressed too sexy" if you look like Pamela Anderson at a rave?  Is it wrong for your mate to say that you're "humiliating them" by wearing the same outfit Burt Reynolds did in "Smokey & The Bandit?"



I have only experienced this dilemma once in my life. I was dating a girl and I thought that she was very attractive. She had a booty that just wouldn't quit. She had more cheeks than a chipmunk with the mumps.



Anyhoo, we were going out to a nightclub (which I didn't like doing with women) and I went to pick her up. She came out of the house in what was basically a cat suit. Of course, I was stunned because she did look amazing in it, however, I thought about how many other people would think she'd look amazing in it as well. I mean, we're talking about a woman whose measurements were 38-26-OMG! So, I'm thinking about how many guys I may possibly have to "defend her honor" against if they try to get too aggressive.



I simply came out and told her that although I wanted to see that outfit later, that I thought it would cause too much of the wrong attention from guys. She understood and went back inside to change.

I got lucky. No arguing. No drama. I breathed a sigh of relief because I didn't expect things to go over so smoothly.  Was it my tone?  My approach?  Or did she already have reservations about the outfit and just needed a tie-breaking vote?



Was I right to question what she had on at all? Should I have allowed her, as an adult, to wear what she thought was appropriate / comfortable for her? Or did I do right to speak my mind and express my feelings?  Shouldn't we be representing each other if we're going out as a couple? Regardless if an outfit is too sexy or if it should have been left back in 1975, can you state your case against it?  What would you do (or what have you done) in this position?









Fair or foul: Can a mate veto your outfit?

"So, let's set the world on fi-ya!  We can burn brighter!  Than the suunnnnnnn!"

Psycho Dad, Part II

(If you haven't read Part I, then this story will probably not make any sense to you.  So, do yourself a favor and check it out before this one.)



Two years have passed since Part I occurred. I've pretty much lost contact with Mia, but Rachel and I have kept in touch every now and then. I'm sitting at home when the phone rings. "Hello," I answered.



"Hey, Quincy, this is Mia!"



"Wow. Hey, Mia, how have you been?"



"I've been great! Just staying busy in grad school. Speaking of which, I hate to call you out of the blue, but I need something."



"What's up?"



"I'm working on a paper and I need your help." 




Mia used me as a study partner back in the day. Whenever she had a paper to write, I was her critic. I figured it was no big deal to help her out again. However, in the back on my mind, I'm wondering if she's just trying to get back in my good graces after the incident. Is she just trying to lure me back into her life? I continue to ponder this as I get directions to her apartment, hang up the phone and start to get dressed. I give her friend, Rachel, a call just to see if I can pry her for info, but her phone goes to voicemail. I leave her a message that I'm going to Mia's place to help her with homework and hang up. I guess I'm going to give Mia the benefit of the doubt and see if she just wants to explain what happened that night.



I arrive to her complex about 20 minutes later. It's a nice apartment complex and within seconds of getting out of my car, I'm on the 2nd floor and knocking on her door. She answers the door wearing a long t-shirt and I'm unsure at first glance if she has anything underneath them or not. I give her a hug and close the door behind me. Mia walks to the couch and sits with her legs crossed. As her shirt rises up from the way she's sitting, I breathe a sigh of relief as I see that she's wearing short pants underneath. Mia is an attractive girl and I have nothing against making a move on her. However, ever since "the incident," I just don't know how I feel around her. I still feel some pity for her although I'm proud of the fact that she's moved on. She's working on her Masters degree and has a really nice apartment. Then a series of events commenced that changed that very thought within seconds of conceiving it:

 (baby cries)

"You have a kid?" I asked.



"It has been a while since I've spoken to you, hasn't it?" she replied. "Don't worry. His dad will take care of him."



"Mia?" called a man's voice.



My heart dropped as I stood up from the couch. She invited me over to her place and some dude lives there, too? Out of the room he comes and sure enough, it's him. The guy who abused Mia in front of my home just two years prior. He seemed just as shocked to see me as I was to see him. Immediately, I felt uneasy because we both have surprised looks on our faces to see each other again. Mia breaks the tension and speaks up, "Gene, this is Quincy. Quincy, Gene."

(baby cries)

There's about six feet of space separating us, but I choose not to walk over and shake hands. I simply give a head nod and say, "what's up?"



"Not much man," he answered.  "Mia didn't tell me that you were her tutor. I'm not sure how I feel about that."



"Well, she didn't tell me she had a baby by her brother either," I sarcastically replied.



He looked confused for a second and then smiled as an indication that he recognized what I was reminiscing over. "Aw, man, that was like five years ago or something," he started. "We worked through all of that. I overreacted a bit."



"No, it was just a couple of years... 'a bit?'" I said stopping in the middle of my sentence after realizing the absurdity of what he just spewed. "Mia, I'm going to go."



I realize that I'm going to have to get past Gene in order to reach the door. I don't want to agitate him in his own place, but I'm actually the angry one at this point. Not necessarily at him, but at Mia. She married her abuser, had a kid by him (hence the nickname we later gave him as "Psycho Dad") and then invited me over into the same apartment with him? How stupid is that? She had no idea how either one of us would react to seeing each other again. Gene smiled and said, "Dude, you don't have to leave because of me. I ain't going to swing on you or nothing.  You can help her with her paper."

 (baby is still crying) 

At this point, I've sized him up. He weighed about an extra 15-20 lbs. since I saw him last, but he was still a lightweight in my eyes. I walked past him and placed my hand on the door knob, but as I cracked the door, I stopped and turned around. "Gene, man," I started, "I'm not worried about you swinging on me because unlike Mia, I'll swing back. Take care of your crying baby."



The words trailed off of my lips as I closed the door behind. I didn't even stay long enough to see either of their reactions to what I said.  I have a lump in my throat as I hurry to my car not knowing if this nut is coming outside behind me or not. Could I take him? Yes, I honestly think I could have whipped the sleeves off of him. However, I'm not a fighter. It's not anything that I want to do without a legitimate reason. Fights lead to grudges and grudges lead to revenge. I didn't have time to look over my shoulder for the rest of my life. Jackson is way too small of a city to have someone looking for you. However, if he came out of that door and attempted to try me, I was more than ready to jack him up to the highest level of "jackstivity."



As I get to my car, I see Rachel getting out of hers. "I got your voicemail. Is everything okay?," she asked. 




"How come you didn't tell me that fool married that fool?"



"Because she told me not to tell you. She was ashamed. I'm surprised she called you over here with him here without telling you first. She says that he hasn't hit her since that night, but I know he still yells a lot."



"And you believe that he hasn't?"



"No, I don't, but she's my friend, what am I supposed to say? You're lying?"



"Yes, that is exactly what you're supposed to say.  Call me later."



I get into my '91 Geo Prizm and drive out of the complex. My phone starts ringing as I get on the road, but I just let it ring since I know that it's Mia. I never saw her again after that evening. Her and Gene now have two kids and have been married 10+ years.  I ran into Rachel a couple of years ago and from what she told me, Gene is actually a good husband and father now. Not necessarily of his own doing, but nonetheless, that's the case. He was "influenced" to be a better man after an incident at their apartment complex.



A guy accidentally bumped Gene's car with his car in the complex parking lot.  Instead of acting like an adult, Gene flew off the handle on the dude. He got in the man's face and in the process of screaming and cursing, he accidentally spit on the man. The man then threw a right cross that caught Gene just outside of his left eye. The impact of the punch broke Gene's glasses and placed a nice-sized gash right above his left eyebrow. I'm told he still has a scar above that eye to this day.  From what Rachel told me, there were two hits in the fight: the guy hit Gene and Gene hit the ground.



That altercation led to the cops being called and Gene ultimately being ordered to attend anger management classes. Rachel said that those classes really turned him around (or that punch did).  I guess if he had to do it all over again, he never would have gotten in that particular man's face. People with "Semper Fi" bumper stickers on their car tend not to play around when they're threatened.



I only wish he'd been at my crib the night that first incident went down.

Do people deserve a second chance when it comes to domestic abuse?

What Are You Really Saying, Dear?

Women often lie? The following article will help you discover their intentions. Have you ever heard the saying goes, "What in the mouth is different from what is in my heart?" There is no doubt that women often put forward dishonesty with a more refined language. Indeed, it is not always to the negative. However, starting from the smallest to the bedroom, women often deliver something that is contrary to his heart. Hmm, what the hell the usual dishonesty ejected from their mouths? Here are some examples.......

"I'm not really angry"

It lies most often women do. Despite sounding trivial. Problem forgotten birthday or anniversary date you can not take for granted. Women will always remember the little things and keep it to myself. So, next time he says, "I'm not really angry" when you are - again - forget the anniversary, immediately apologize and plan something special the next day. A romantic dinner in a restaurant you do a first date, maybe?

"Go out clubbing with your friends"

On the one hand, women feel reluctant to say too overprotective (or even a possessive). However, on the other hand there is no single woman who willingly if the man she loved going to the club with her male friends to glance at another woman. Let you go on to say 'just go' is a lie that women often make. Maybe it's called too dear.

"I'm not ready for a relationship"

Sequel is, "I'm focused career, so do not even think about dating." Another variation: "I just broke my heart so not ready to forge a new relationship." This is a subtle form of rejection. In fact, if she was single and was attracted to you, whatever will she faced to become your partner.

"Yesterday was the most wonderful night!"

In addition to fake orgasms, women often praised her lover about the performance in bed. If a woman has given her heart to one man, then he will put her full attention. Because women have this habit, it will tend to express what you want to hear, including how good your action in bed.